The lights in the living room were dimmed. She plopped down on the couch and pulled up her feet so she was sitting on them. Fiddling with her braids, she tried thinking. The voices had started after she had been hurt. That had to mean something. Was this some kind of mental break in response to the trauma? Maybe all mages were nuts. Joban and Derrex were certain that she was some kind of budding mage. And she did heal herself. There was no denying that. She wanted to, but there was no point in it. Spreading her hands out in front of her, she looked at the flawless skin.
“How long have you been up?”
Derrex stepped into the room and smiled at her.
“I’m not sure,” she answered.
She looked at the clock, ten in the morning. She didn’t know what time it was when she’d gotten it up, so the clock really didn’t help.
“A while,” she added.
“Do you want some breakfast?” he asked.
He didn’t wait for an answer.
“Yes, please,” Xania called to him while he began moving about the kitchen.
She got up and went to the kitchen door.
“I know what you’re going to ask,” he stated.
He didn’t look at her. Staring at his hands, he worked. The eggs sizzled in the hot pan.
“I have to get out of the city,” she said.
“Running blindly isn’t going to get you anywhere. You have to be careful,” he said.
The egg hissed again as the raw side hit the pan after a careful flip.
“I can’t do nothing,” she whispered.
“For now, you must wait,” he said.
He scooped out the eggs and served them up on a plain white plate. He handed it to her with a smile. He turned off the stove and started cleaning up.
“Don’t you want one?” Xania asked.
“No, I hate breakfast,” he answered.
Xania set the plate on the table. She looked down at it. The eggs looked up at her like a pair of angry and accusing yellow eyes. Gently poking one, she thought about leaving on her own. There was nothing that said she had to wait for these people to whisk her to safety.
“I don’t want to wait,” she mumbled.
Sliding a fork over to her, he tried to meet her eyes, but she avoided him. She sat down.
“Joban’s people are the best and they will do more than you could.”
He looked at the top of her bent head.
“Because I’m weak and useless?” she snapped. Then added, “Didn’t you get what you needed?”
Hot tears threatened to spill out, but she blinked them back.
Derrex laid his hands on her shoulders.
“You are marked. That doesn’t make you useless and you kicked my ass which means you’re not weak.”
He lifted her chin with the tip of his finger, again trying to make eye contact. Xania turned from him and strode into the living room. She sunk back into the couch and let the tears seep out. She couldn’t go without Derrex’s help and he wasn’t going to give it.
“I feel helpless,” she declared.
“You don’t have to be,” he said.
Derrex sat next to her. She looked at him.
“If you let us, we could train you to use your powers and how to see.”
She nodded. The visions could be controlled. Seeing things on the other sides of walls or hearing conversations in other rooms. Could she reach out to another city? What were her limits? Trying to imagine the possibilities she began to hope.
“I don’t want to be here again,” she whispered.
Derrex returned to the kitchen. Xania got up and went to the window. The view was sad. The brick building next door was old and displaying its wear. The alley below was dark and filthy. Not a classy part of town. It was still better than staring at the apartment walls. Derrex walked up to her, talking. She didn’t hear him, her mind wandering. He stopped, realizing that she wasn’t listening and smiled. He gently laid his hand on her shoulder. She flinched, but didn’t come back.
The rain thundered against the window and the darkness seemed to move behind the falling drops. It was cold and danger was near. He would come. He had to come, as much for his sake as hers.
Xania looked down at the beautiful child in her arms and wondered if she’d ever see him again. His pale white curls lay across his forehead. He smiled and cooed up at her, his blue eyes sparkling with love. His trust in her hurt. Was she betraying him? Something in her screamed to hold onto him tight. But she trusted that this was the right thing to do. They could not keep their son with them. If they did, he would die.
The air swirled and shifted about her. He was here. It was as if he had always been there. His skin and hair were white, blending in against his robes. It seemed like the fabric was an extension of him rather than attire. If it wasn’t for the chill in his eyes, she could have thought of him as an angel. He took the child from her arms. He was amazingly gentle, cradling the baby against his chest. Then he was gone, as suddenly as he had come. She was alone, more completely than ever. She wept.
Derrex pulled back his hand, feeling cold shoot up his arm.
Xania blinked, tears spilling over her cheeks.
“Are you alright?” Derrex asked.
“No,” Xania said.
She rushed past him and found a retreat in the guest room. The door slammed behind her.
Did this vision tell the future? Was there a chance to change things? She leaned against the door, breathing hard. The visions scared her more than all her other powers. What did they mean? She didn’t want them! Why did they keep coming to her?
Derrex knocked. She felt the gentle thumps through the wood. She squeezed shut her eyes, pushing out the last of her tears.
“Xania?” Derrex called.
“Go away!” she screamed.
“You can’t hide from your powers,” he said.
He leaned against the door, tired of trying to convince her.
“I don’t want the visions! Make them go away!” she wailed.
She turned to shout at him. The baby in her arms. He had been so beautiful. There was no purpose in seeing him. Why know that she would one day give away her son? All it did was wrench her heart now when there was nothing to do about it.
“I can’t do that. No one can. But you could control it,” he said.
“I don’t want it! The visions are thieves, rapists,” she panted.
She pounded the door.
“It doesn’t have to be,” he said.
“Yes, it does. Always. I know things about you that you’ve never told me. They’re your secrets to share or keep as you choose. I have no right to look at them,” she said.
She thought about all the memories that had flooded through her mind last night when the three of them had held onto each other. He didn’t really like coffee. He’d rather have mint tea, but wanted the caffeine. The face of his mother. Smells of his favorite foods. There was that strange looking animal that followed him around when he was a child. They were as rich and real to her as her own memories.
Xania put her forehead to the door. The wood was cool.
“What right do I have? Who am I to shape tomorrow?” she asked.
“We all do. Everyday we make choices that shape tomorrow,” he countered.
“But can I even change what I see or are we bound by fate?” she asked, thinking again of the child she’d held in her arms.
“We are the architects of our fate; we must not let the shadows dictate our path,” he answered.
He shrugged, even though he knew she couldn’t see him.
“There is too much that I don’t understand,” she moaned.
Derrex said nothing.
Xania sighed and wiggled her fingers against the wood. She wanted to touch him. She wanted to be held, but was afraid of what visions might come. The grain of the wood was rough under the smooth finish. The ripples in the wood reminded her of water. She traced her fingers over these lines, wondering if Derrex was still there. Her hands stopped. Yes, he was there. His hands pulsed against the wood, sending vibrations through it. Was this as close as she’d be able to get to other people without having visions? Or did the barriers even matter? She had seen something within the woman and boy in the market, but she had never touched them. She wiggled her fingers against the wood again and imagined that barriers didn’t matter, that she could still touch him. She pressed her hands into the door, picturing her hands pressing against his. She thought she heard his surprised gasp as her fingers interlaced with his. She smiled. It was a nice little daydream.
There was a large crowd around her. They were happy, celebrating. People were dancing and clapping to the rhythm of the music. Xania danced with them, glad to be in a place that still knew joy. The crowd formed a circle, still moving to the music. At the circle’s center was Derrex and a woman. A happy couple. He was dressed in a complicated white suit that was accented with silver buttons and jewelry. His hair was long and free. The silvery strands billowed around him as he danced. The woman he was with was beautiful. They were a contrast to each other. She was tall and thin. Her robes were rich black velvet, sprinkled with red glitter. Her hair was black and was woven into braids with red beads twisted into the locks. The braids swayed around her as she moved with Derrex. Black and white, they were a perfect set.
The music stopped. There was shouting. People moved and shuffled about, hearing but not seeing the commotion. Men on horses burst through the crowd, sending people running in all directions. Derrex and the dark woman stared up at the intruding riders. The lead riders lifted a rifle and pointed it at Derrex’s bride, Serene. He’d just been married. The rider offered some threat. Several other riders began to shoot. The wind died and the world fell silent. It seemed that everything pulled itself around Serene.
“I call your soul and summon it back to the stream,” Serene whispered.
Serene’s chest glowed and burned under the dark cloth of her robe. The rider that had spoken jerked forward then fell from his horse. He was dead. The other riders came at her in a rush, swinging axes. Derrex reached for her, trying to pull her back. Joban leaped from the crowd, swinging a mighty blade at one of the riders.
A bullet burst into Serene’s chest. Blood splashed over Derrex. It was hot. He caught Serene as she fell back. He held her tightly and poured all his magic into her, willing her body to heal. Willing her to be whole. Willing her to live. Staggering, he went down, unable to stand. She lay on the ground and he pressed his hands against her. Calling on Gaia, he gave it all to her.
Joban swung again, striking the rider. The rider fell. The crowd seemed to coalesce then, moving against the remaining riders in a swarm. Joban fell to his knees at Serene’s side. Shoving Derrex aside, he broke the link between them before Derrex could drain himself of his life force. Joban touched her with his hands glowing softly with a green light. But he could not find the pulse of her life source. She was already gone.
Derrex pulled her weakly to his chest and moaned. How could the gods take her?
Xania shuddered. Derrex had lost a wife.
