Autumn 4994, 15 Aoimoth 

Lily walked around the camp, watching the sky slowly turn from black to purple to blue. She hadn't spoken to Master Velona when she'd gone to bed, nor when the woman woke Lily for her shift. A part of her wanted to continue carrying this spite for the next few weeks—a very large part. But the two hours of watch alone gave her the time she needed to cool down from both the passion and the frustration, and really think. 

Master Velona had been nothing but supportive of her from the moment they'd first met. Back then, the Monks had been sent to fetch Lily back to the Mages Guild after she'd left without telling anyone. But after meeting Lily and hearing her perspective of life as a ward of the Guild, Velona had changed her mind. After only knowing Lily for an afternoon, she'd offered to take the strange girl with her on pilgrimage around the kingdom and even train her in the Kensai school of staff fighting.

This virtual stranger had listened, really listened, not only to what Lily thought but to what she felt. She'd trained Lily not only in combat -which nearly everyone else had thought too dangerous or a waste of time- but also taught her to better control her magic -something Lily had already thought she'd mastered. Because of Velona, Lily was able to touch people without burning them, regardless of her emotional state. It was Velona who'd given Lily the gate tokens necessary to see Shon on that night five years ago. Velona, who'd stayed with Lily even after her pilgrimage. And Velona who encouraged Lily to hold on to her feelings and find Shon when she'd finally reached her limit in waiting for fate to pull them back together. 

How could Lily ever behave spitefully toward her Master? Even if she had interrupted something Lily had only ever fantasized was possible. She sat on the ground, picking at the unburned grass, braiding the long strands together, and thinking about those fantasies. She'd spoken her heart to Shon last night -as she'd always planned- but what had she really expected?

Not that. 

 If she was really honest with herself, she'd been afraid. She hadn't expected an answer with many words, it wasn't who he was, but there was no guarantee that he still felt even some of what he had five years ago.

When she'd met him, Shon had already been spending the last two years training hard in a fortress full of only young men. She'd even gotten a very awkward talk from the command about how she might be inadvertently tempting many of the Squires while she was there. The following year, Lily had returned to Hamerfoss after spending a year in the city, getting to know society, and herself, but Shon had never left. They'd kissed, and it seemed that he really wanted her.

And then again another year later. But he'd been rejected and hurt down to his very soul. Of course he would reach for her, for anyone, for comfort at the time.

Lily threw her grass braid away and sighed. He'd spent five years out in the world, meeting all kinds of people. Other women. Would he still find her alien features beautiful after seeing normal people? Would he still appreciate her blunt honesty and forward exuberance when Shon himself was so reserved and quiet? She hadn't known, but -just like she'd told him last night- she had to try. Despite the fear.

She leaned back on her hands and let her head fall back to watch her companions sleeping upside down. The Monks were starting to stir, and Shon rolled over in his bedroll -Ryuuko grumbling little dragon grumbles at being shifted.

He hadn't rejected her, hadn't even said that they should wait, or that he wasn't sure... He'd said she was beautiful... He hadn't really needed to say anything. Lily could see the truth in his eyes after her confession. He'd looked at her in awe, not horror, and when he did speak, he'd said exactly what she wanted to hear. 

I want to kiss you again...

And oh, what a kiss! She'd cut it off far earlier than she wanted, leaning away from his lips to try and catch her breath and give him a chance to stop. But he hadn't. He'd kissed her neck, a spot full of bad memories, of tightening collars and antimagic numbness. Brought to life and made clean by his icy lips.

Cognizant of his cold, Shon didn't touch people. Even before -and even with her- he usually hesitated. But last night he'd run his hands up her legs and under her shirt. Had squeezed her hips and made her want to melt into a puddle in his lap. Her body had moved on its own, and his had risen to do the same, calling to her not to stop, playing out her most private fantasies. 

And then their teachers came... Lily groaned, letting herself fall flat to stare at the lightening sky as dawn finally broke. Finish the mission before finishing each other indeed... But as much as she wanted to be angry with them, she also had enough experience to know they were right. And she knew their history...

Lily arched her neck way back to watch the Monks rise and stretch and even caught a glimmer of a grin shared between the two. If they could wait for each other, then she could tough out a few more days. Assuming Shon didn't change his mind about her in that time... 

"Stupid romance novels and their stupid angsty tropes..." Lily grumbled. She rolled back on her shoulders then kicked into the air to land on her feet, spinning around on her toes and painting a smile across her face. "Good morning! Ready for drills?" 

Yua grumbled, rolling over, and Tuth didn't even stir, but Shon sat up, running a hand through his hair -messy and tousled from sleep. Lily had never seen him first thing in the morning, but if she was hoping for groggy eyes and a sleepy yawn, she didn't get it. He was just as much a morning person as the Squires always teased him about. 

Lily tried to smile equally around the camp. Even took the time to walk over and try to nudge Tuth awake. But her eyes kept being pulled back to Shon. He pushed Ryuuko off his blankets -ignoring the pseudodragon's hiss of indignation- and rolled up the bedding. Then reached his entire arm into his bag of holding to pull out an empty sack before stripping his shirt off. She gave up. 

Clasping her hands behind her back to resist touching him, she sauntered across the camp. Shon folded his dirty shirt carefully and put it in the sack before reaching back into his bag and pulling out a duplicate full of clean clothes. He snapped a clean shirt open before catching her eye and arching an eyebrow her way. 

"You know..." Lily started, letting the word draw out as she watched him, "... I really didn't want to continue quoting the past, but..." His chest and abs were broad and chiseled all the way down to the v at his hips leading below his waistline, "... you really are making this very difficult..." His pale skin was crisscrossed with a multitude of lighter scares, and she wanted to kiss each one.

"Put your shirt on, loverboy!" Yua called from the cold fire pit, "I don't want my breakfast extra crispy." Lily stuck her tongue out at the Ranger, who just laughed while Veon-Zih shook his head in the background and Velona covered her smile. Tuth continued to snore. 

Shon sighed and started pulling on his clean shirt while Lily flicked her fingers, bringing the campfire back to life so Yua could start their breakfast.

Turning back to Shon, Lily stepped closer, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair, "This is a mess..." She said as she combed the black strands with her hands. 

"That's one reason it needs to be cut," Shon countered. She could see his fingers twitch from the corner of her vision. He was holding himself back. She continued to focus on straightening his hair. 

"But then I wouldn't be able to do this," Lily explained with a giggle. Shon shuddered, closing his eyes and finally reaching forward to rest his hands lightly on her waist as she continued. She arranged his hair carefully, parting it in the middle and combing the sides so they hung to frame his face before letting her hands fall with a satisfied, "There." 

Shon opened his eyes -and her heart skipped a beat- he grinned at her -and it sped up- but then he said, "Normally I just do this," and he shook his head like a dog.

"No!" Lily protested, smacking him in the chest. But that just made him actually chuckle as he stopped, his hair now laying more naturally. Then he flinched as Ryuuko clawed its way up his leg and back to his shoulder, twittering a strange cross between annoyance and an amused dragon laugh. 

"Let's go, we're losing daylight," Veon-Zih called from the edge of camp, lifting his leg all the way over his head to stretch, "You coming Lily?" he asked politely, though Velona answered for her, 

"She is. She didn't yesterday." 

Lily rolled her eyes but nodded to her Master, then took Shon's hand to pull him their way. He squeezed her fingers as she passed but then let go, slipping free without taking a step. Lily turned to tilt her head at him, but Shon reached for his sword, throwing it over his shoulder and knocking Ryuuko off with a hiss, the pommel swirling sapphire and sky blue. 

"Even for exercises?" Lily asked. 

Shon nodded, but when Lily didn't look away, he added, "Always." then jogged past her. 

Veon-Zih matched him as he passed, and Velona waved for Lily to hurry up.

"Where are you going?" Yua called to them from the fire.

"Running." Velona answered as she started her own jog away, "We'll be right back. Wake up Tuth! He should be the one making breakfast!" 

The Monks and their students ran far enough that Yua and their fire were barely visible. Then turned to circle the camp five times before returning, warmed up but hardly winded. Lily was more of a sprinter than a long-distance runner, but she could handle a few laps and moved easily with the others into their drills. Even after all her years with Master Velona, she had chosen not to learn any weapon other than the quarterstaff, and finished her katas before the others. Master Velona moved into her second set of forms with her short curved sword while Lily went to help Yua wake up Tuth. 

By the time the Mage sat up -looking around as if he had no idea where he was or who these people were- Velona had finished, and Veon-Zih was wrapping up the last of his unarmed kata. The Monks started helping themselves to breakfast, and Ryuuko perched on her shoulder, but Lily turned to watch Shon finish his exercises with his bastard sword. The steel gleamed in the rising sun, setting streaks of refracted light to dance around the camp. 

"Eat," Velona ordered, pressing a plate of leftover dinner in Lily's face and blocking her view. Surprised, Lily and Ryuuko hissed in unison, which in turn made Yua jump and finally snapped Tuth out of his early morning trance. 

"Saint Bede's balls, that's uncanny." the Mage exclaimed, and Lily glared at him, hissing again -on purpose this time- Ryuuko echoing it a moment later. 

Velona laughed, "I think it's cute." she said, stroking Lily's hair after she took her plate and shifted toward the others. Shon had finished anyway and was walking their way. 

"Why don't you have a familiar, Lily?" Yua asked, pointing with her fork at Ryuuko, who took off to land on Shon's arm and start picking at his plate before he could even begin himself. 

Lily could only shrug, her mouth full. Tuth rushed to say, "She might just not have met it yet," then -as if he couldn't help himself- he muttered under his breath, "Though usually the familiar bond forms when they awaken and they seek out the Sorcerer right away..." then -as if he realized he had spoken out loud- he added quickly, "But that doesn't mean there can't be an exception!" 

Lily swallowed and laughed. He was trying so hard to be tactful, it was sweet. "It's okay, Tuth," she assured him, then to Yua explained, "I've had my power for as long as I can remember. I never 'awoke' and I don't have a familiar." She shrugged again, pilling the last of her food onto her fork, "I'm a freak in more than just looks, it seems. That's why every spell caster from Clearhelm to Yanao wants to experiment on me." 

"Lily-" Velona started softly but firmly, but Shon interrupted her, 

"You're not a freak," He gazed over his plate at her, and when their eyes met, continued, "You're Lily, no less." She wanted to dive across the camp and kiss him again but was pulled away by Yua counting her fingers. 

The Ranger held up both her hands, her fingers splayed, and a massive grin on her face, "Ten words! If you separate the contractions. High praise from this one, I only got eight." Which made Lily and Veon-Zih burst out laughing. Shon arched an eyebrow at the lot of them, then shook his head and went back to his breakfast.

*** 

The team started out after breakfast, Tuth and Yua taking the lead with the compass. Shon had tried to catch Lily's eye again, but Veon-Zih had taken her aside and now walked with her ahead of him. Shon settled his pack more comfortably and started out only to find Master Velona walking beside him, shooting him curious glances out of the corner of her eye. 

As soon as she noticed him notice her, she nodded at him then at the others. Shon slowed down, Velona with him, putting a bit more distance between them and the others. Once they were outside of easy hearing range, she said, "She never stopped looking for you, you know." 

Shon swallowed and nodded, watching Lily as she reached into her bag to retrieve a pair of plain sticks to twist her long golden hair into a bun and hold it in place. She'd told him with every letter that she would find him. That their wandering would eventually lead them back to each other.

Velona sighed at his silence but continued, "I don't doubt the sincerity of your feelings, Shon. I didn't read your letters, but I know you left as many for her as she did for you. But you should know, she feels all her emotions at full volume. When she's angry, she's enraged. When she's sad, she's devastated. When she's happy, she's ecstatic. You..." 

She'd been speaking with Master Veon-Zih... or perhaps the Master could see it herself.

Shon muted his emotions. Purposefully. Locking them away so tight that he wasn't sure he could remember most of the extremes anymore. Master Velona sighed again, and confirmed both his suspicions, "Master Veon-Zih is right. My Monastery may be different from his, but even I can see your ki is stifled." She shook her head, "It may seem unrelated, but you're going to have to open up eventually. To her, if no one else." Velona looked his way pointedly, catching and holding his eyes before she continued. "If what happened last night is going to happen again, then she deserves that much at least."

Shon clenched his jaw. Did Lily really deserve the horror of seeing him as he was? Broken and twisted. A bundle of contradictions, with noble intentions but dark desires? Shon looked away from Lily's Master -at least as close to her as he was to Veon-Zih- and caught sight of Lily ahead of him, speaking privately to his Master as Shon was speaking to hers. 

"I don't want to hurt her..." he whispered. Ryuuko whistled low and sad, nuzzling his jaw. Shon ignored it. 

Master Velona shook her head but smiled, "I know, but I've been with her for six years, Shon, and you should know she's never been with a man. She's a virgin. Even the Warlocks didn't go that far."

That shocked Shon enough that he missed a step. Never? But there were magic items that could protect people from her heat. Just like there were ones that would guard against his cold. Though he'd never used them. It wasn't only his cold that made Shon not want to be touched. But Lily? She was so vibrant, open, even sensual. He couldn't begin to imagine that she hadn't had hundreds if not thousands of possible suitors over the years. And though he didn't doubt that she wouldn't take most of them to her bed... "None?" he finally asked.

Velona shook her head, "She's been curious, of course. Lily is curious about everything. But no. Not even a kiss and hardly a dance. She doesn't even own an antifire ring. Though she could have bought a few with just the samples she still gives the Guild." 

But why? It couldn't possibly be because of him. He wasn't worth waiting for. He hadn't even been sure he was able to feel what he had last night until it happened. That Lily had held back her curiosity... 

"She isn't as strong as she looks," Velona whispered, "She paints on a happy face, but she worries too, Shon. About her own strength... and worth." Velona shook her head as Lily talked in the distance, "Just don't lie to her. If you want her, tell her, and if you don't, tell her that too. It will hurt, but it's better than living a lie."

Shon couldn't imagine anyone not wanting Lily, let alone him. Even before he'd met her she fit everything he imagined a perfect partner to be. She wasn't some wilting flower, or damsel in distress. She was a fighter in every way. Driven, dedicated, disciplined, even stubborn. His equal in combat and better in everything else. Vibrant and joyful. Lily had been abused and still found the energy to take life by the horns and take what she wanted from it.

He settled his cold eyes on the Master Monk, and the woman actually gasped, "I don't lie." Shon told her, then shifted his pack again, speeding up to catch up to the others, Ryuuko twittering its encouragement on his shoulder. 

*** 

Lily had wanted to walk with Shon, but Veon-Zih had caught her eye and nodded after Tuth and Yua, making a sweeping gesture for her to precede him them falling into step beside her. 

She straightened her back and looked over her shoulder to see Master Velona trailing behind with Shon. So it was going to be another 'talk.' Well, she knew more now than she had the last time someone had tried to lecture her on sex and relationships. 

She let the space stretch just enough that she wouldn't be heard easily, then stated, "I'm not going to apologize for last night," 

Veon-Zih shook his head and chuckled at her bluntness. At least he wasn't as embarrassed as Sir Selibra -the Paladin in charge of Hamerfoss- had been. Veon-Zih said, "I'll tell you the same thing I told Shon: there is a time and place, and this is neither." 

Lily shrugged, "So we'll buy a tent after this mission." She reached in her bag for something to do with her hands, grabbing her hair sticks. "We've kissed before, you know. There was no guarantee it was going to go any further." There is no guarantee it will ever go any further, She reminded herself, even with the privacy of a tent. Lily didn't want to get her hopes up.

But Veon-Zih wasn't afraid to argue with her, "Considering what we walked in on? I doubt that." his face grew solemn for a moment as Lily twisted up her hair, "But you should know that Shon isn't as strong as he lets on..." 

She bristled on Shon's behalf. "He's as strong as anyone and stronger than most. You should know his discipline better than anyone. And it's not like I'm hard to resist. Just look at me." She made a sweeping gesture from the top of her golden head to her boots -hiding the end of her scaled stripes on the right foot. "I'm not exactly built to be a seductress, and I have no intention of seducing him like that anyway. If he doesn't want me that way, it's fine-" 

"That's not what I'm talking about, Lily," Veon-Zih interrupted. Her jaw snapped shut and the Monk actually did look at her, letting his eyes trail from her feet up to the top of her head then glancing behind them to Shon and Velona. "You are beautiful, if a bit exotic, but I don't mean to imply that you could easily seduce my student. He's never been with a woman before-" 

"Never!" Lily shouted, then covered her mouth, looking over her shoulder, then ahead, though neither pair before nor behind seemed to notice.

Veon-Zih shook his head, "He's mysterious enough that a few have tried to flirt but as you say, he's disciplined. Or that's what it looks like, more than that, he hasn't had any interest. He's closed himself off, and though it makes him seem strong, he did it because he isn't, because he's still hurt." 

"Hengist." Lily spat the god's name like a curse, sounding for all the world like a Horsa devotee -though she held just as little love for that god as well. 

"He still follows Hengist," Veon-Zih explained, "His teachings spoke to Shon's heart before he became a Squire and just because he was denied doesn't make the lessons ring any less true to his soul. But I don't think he can take another rejection, Lily." 

"I wouldn't-" Lily started, but Veon-Zih held up a hand to forestall her. 

"But you should. If it's what you find you feel after you spend some time with him. It's easy to get lost in passion," he ran his hand over his shaved head and sighed, "but don't lie to him, Lily. It isn't worth it. To either of you." 

Lily scoffed, "Lying is a waste of time and energy."

Veon-Zih blinked at her, and Lily rolled her eyes and continued, "I don't care about the so-called morality of it. I know most of the gods like to preach that lies slowly poison the soul, but honestly, it's really just a pain in the ass to keep track of. Even if it's to protect someone's pride or emotions, it's just delaying the inevitable until they find out the truth, and then it just hurts more. That's what you're talking about, isn't it?" 

"I... Yes, I suppose it is." he conceded, "Just... just know that it might take him a while to really open up." 

Lily grinned and bumped the Monk with her shoulder, "He can take as long as he wants. I've waited years, I can wait a little longer, and it should be easy with him so close,"

"Or harder," Veon-Zih argued. 

But Lily shook her head, "I'm ready for him not to want me." She glanced over her shoulder to see Shon splitting from Master Velona and added, "He had it half right this morning. I'm Lily. No more." She skipped forward a few steps and spun to walk backward, "But if he does want me, then I'm prepared to grab on with both hands." Then she stopped walking, letting the Monk pass her and waiting for Shon, turning to walk beside him when he caught up to her. 

"Did you have a good talk?" she asked, leaning forward to look up at his face. 

Shon didn't answer right away. He studied her for a moment, taking in her smile and shining eyes. Then he reached up and snatched the sticks from her hair. "Informative," he finally answered as Lily's hair spilled over her shoulders and into her face. 

Lily struggled with her hair, not even noticing that Shon had stopped walking. Gathering the strands together, she backtracked to him, passing Velona as she moved by to catch up with Veon-Zih. Shon stood with her sticks but jerked his head from the pseudodragon on his shoulder to the retreating Monks. 

Ryuuko wrapped its tail around his neck but she heard a whispered, "Please?" and a moment later, the little dragon chirped and swooped past. Knocking Lily's hands down and forcing her to gather her hair again.

Twisting it back into place, she jerked the sticks out of Shon's fingers as he handed them back to her with a barely discernible grin. Lily stabbed her bun with an exaggerated huff. But whatever she might've said about him taking them died in her throat as Shon's deep voice said, "You're beautiful." He waited until she was looking at him -her eyes locked on his- before he continued, "The most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And I've missed you more than a flower in the desert misses the rain. I've wanted you with me from the moment I saw you outside the stables when..." His voice faltered and he looked away. 

Lily stepped closer, reaching up to pull his face back to hers, and he continued, "I don't know if I'm the man you think I am, Lily," he whispered, "but your letters were the only thing that kept me waking up in the morning. And now that you're here, I'm going to try and show you, so you can truly decide if I'm worth it."

She cupped his cold cheeks in both hands and Shon shuddered, closing his eyes and leaning into her touch. His voice trembled as he continued, "It's not just my skin that's cold, Lily. I know you deserve better. I-" 

Lily silenced him with a kiss, soft and fleeting. She rested her forehead on his before letting her lips fall away, "There is no one better." she whispered, "I don't want anyone else, Shon. But know that if there is anything about you I don't like, I will tell you, and I expect the same from you." His hands were shaking at his sides and Lily let her own trail down his arms to grab them, "Don't hold yourself back with me. You've always trusted me before, don't stop now. If I don't like something, I will let you know. Do you think I can't fight back?" 

Shon shook his head, the movement shaking hers with him, "Never." he whispered. Then he proved it. Wrapping strong arms around her, he pulled her close, pinning her arms between their chests, and kissed her, letting one hand trail up to cup the back of her neck and hold her to him. Lily melted into his embrace, surrendering in a way she only could with someone she trusted. With him.

"Time and place!" Veon-Zih shouted from the distance, his voice far away but breaking into their peace like a battering ram into a porcelain shop. 

Lily growled, giving Shon the smallest push. He let her go right away. She spun fast enough that her bun smacked him in the face as she shouted back to the Monks, "Yoryuu's patience and Inryuu's rage, FINE!" 

Behind her Shon asked, "Who?" but Lily just shook her head, grabbing his hand and pulling him back towards the others,

"Let's get this damn mission over with already."